Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
