Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
