when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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