I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
