If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
