My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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