I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
