i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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