You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
