we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
