i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
