Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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