I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
