Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
