why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
