what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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