I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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