awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
