I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
