Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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