my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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