Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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