threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
