bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
