Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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