Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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