Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
