Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
