i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
