never play flip cup with pint glasses
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
