if i can run in heels then i can drive
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
