hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
