Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
