i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
