I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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