Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
