i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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