There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I party with great urgency now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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