I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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