if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
