sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
