At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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