If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
