She is in my trunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
