The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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