Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
