I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There r osticjed everywhere
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
