I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
