Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
