I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
