I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
